Monday, August 27, 2012

the Onion and how it's now basically reality

The Onion posted this article a few days ago: 

U.S. Military Sends A Few More Of Those Things Over To Afghanistan To Replace Dead Ones

WASHINGTON—In the wake of the news that 2,000 of its things have now died in Afghanistan, U.S. military officials announced Monday that it will be sending some additional things to replace the dead ones.
“A bunch of those things are dead or don’t work anymore, so we need to send over a bunch more,” said U.S. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta, adding that while the military sent a bunch of new things in 2010, a good amount of them either died or were broken. “We’ve got tons of things just sitting around in Texas and Florida, so we’re going to send some of those.”
“We actually have a whole load of some used, pretty-beat-up-things that were sent back from Afghanistan a few months ago, so we’ll probably ship them over, too” Panetta continued. “They’re not in perfect condition or anything, but in a pinch they’ll do the trick.” 

Maybe it's bad blogger strategy but I encourage you to go read the whole article (it's not long) before continuing here.

Ok, now that you've see that...does anyone disagree with it? I mean, be honest with yourself, be honest about the world we live in. Be as objective as possible. Is that not the most accurate news-like description article of the American military establishment and America's We've Always Been At War With Eastasia mentality?

If you can find me better (and more succinctly, brilliantly done) satire on the point please post it in the comments--but I think this one would be hard to top.

Should you be unconvinced of or unimpressed with its skillful execution I shall provide you a comparison:

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — The Pentagon announced on Friday that three more Army brigades, including one from Fort Campbell, will deploy to Afghanistan later this winter.

The current announcement of rotation of things includes the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division from Fort Campbell, Ky.; the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division from Fort Bliss, Texas; and the 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division from Fort Drum, N.Y.

The Army said about 1,900 things from the Fort Campbell unit will be included in the deployment, along with 4,000 things from the Fort Bliss unit and 2,870 from the Fort Drum unit, according to the Pentagon.

The 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division has been designated the first security thing assistance brigade, according to the brigade commander, Col. JP McGee.

He explained that while the troops will be going back to the same area of eastern Afghanistan they were in during their last deployment from 2010 through 2011, they would be doing a different mission.

"With this new designation comes a focus on improving the proficiency of Afghan Security Things as US things decrease their numbers," McGee said in a letter to the unit's things and their families. "This new mission will not require us to deploy the entire brigade. A sizeable portion of the brigade will remain at Fort Campbell while the thing that deploys will include many things [that] are designed to advise and assist our Afghan partners."

This is the second unit from Fort Campbell that is being sent to Afghanistan to serve the Afghan National Army, Afghan police or border patrol in a mostly advisory role. About 400 things, mostly senior leaders and non-commissioned officers, from the 2nd Brigade Combat Things deployed earlier this year as security thing assistance things.

The unit will be broken down into groups of advisory things and battle space integrators, such as artillery support, intelligence and other technical assets that are part of the brigade. This will also be a shorter nine-month deployment because the Army has shortened the length of deployments for most Army units.

The brigade has been preparing for the deployment with training events at Fort Campbell, Fort Knox, Fort Carson and Fort Polk.

"The training that these things [have] conducted over the last year here at Fort Campbell, in the mountains of Colorado and at the Joint Readiness Training Center at Fort Polk, has thoroughly prepared them for their upcoming mission in Afghanistan," Maj. Gen. James C. McConville, commanding general of the 101st Airborne Division, said in a prepared statement.

The things from 1st Brigade Combat Team are expected to start deploying in November.
[I’ve replaced “force(s),” “warriors,” “soldier(s),” “team(s),” and “troop(s)” with “things” original article here] 

The immediately above article is 100% real article from three days ago, I just made some slight adjustments to interchangeably synonymous terms.

This is our country, friends, this is the Empire and the police state revealed with a simple word-swap. In the eyes of our rulers we all exist as mere instruments of their will, objects fit only for use as drone pilots, wage slaves, product consumers, chemicals guinea pigs, capital production units, traded commodities, sources of sadistic entertainment and convenient cannon fodder.

Agency is largely an illusion in this place--by those with the most power over your lives you are viewed as little better than a socket wrench or a box of ballpoint pens, and with that view combined with their power you get the results we are seeing now and have seen for many years if we decide to actively acknowledge them.

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